Matthew 5:1-3 ~ 1 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them. 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
This is the first day of Lent and during this 40 day period I've decided to follow a 6 AM - 6 PM fast. I'll be drinking water, juice and an occasional fruit smoothie. I do have an exception. I had planned a business lunch with a friend before I made my commitment. I'm not giving myself free reign, but I just a little latitude so that my not eating is not the focus of the meal.
Now, making an exception took a little thought. I really had to decide why I am pursing this path. Of course, the fact that my pastor asked for participation was a serious consideration. However, not the only one. I have allowed myself to take a pass for previous fast when I just wasn't feeling it.
This time it was not just that I was on board with the message from the pulpit, I had to take a moment and examine myself. While there is always room for improvement, I need to make a better change. I think I'm a little delusional and my faith is feeling a little more mustard seed sized than it should.
Getting to my delusional behavior. I've lost a few pounds and am wearing an old pair of new jeans. You know the pair, you haven't worn them for so long that people will think they are new when you wear them. Well, they fit fine now. Actually, I need a belt. However, these aren't really my skinny jeans. I put on my belt which doesn't have the normal belt tooth, for lack of a better word. The movable piece that holds the belt together, just won't stay closed. I didn't just buy this belt. I've had it for years. Somehow, I thought I should be able to wear it today. Not so much. Clearly, I'm not the size I was before. I'm not even sure when I comfortably wore this thing. I remember I did. I wonder how long I've really been kidding myself.
I do have co-conspirators in my weight gain delusion. There is a ground swell of people who want to tell us it is not about the pounds or about the size. While it might not be about either of those things, if you don't keep track you're likely to slowly grow heavier and bigger. Not only am I going to pay more attention to my weight and size, I'm pulling out the tape measure. My waist size is a clear indicator in the state of my heart. It should be less than half my height. I'm pressing the outer bounds and my belt is telling me the truth while I've been telling myself something else. It is good to begin my Ash Wednesday journey with the truth.
I'm also focused on faith building. The point of mustard seed faith is not for it to stay there. It is for that mustard seed to grow. I'm feeling that I need a little reinforcement. So, Matthew 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” My current problem is that I think I have not been telling the mountain to move. While in my head I know this is true, I haven't really been acting enough to make it so. I've been holding myself back and I need to be more bold and act with the faith that has carried me to the cross before and has gotten me the victory.
To sum up my Lent focus, I'd say it is my time to face the truth and grow in the path that the Lord wants me to go. This is a good beginning. Not easy, but good.